Toolkit

For Families and Loved Ones Navigating a Suicide Loss

Grief Over Time

The Grief Journey

Grief following suicide loss unfolds gradually and differently for each person. While there is no single path or predictable timeline, many survivors find it helpful to understand the common experiences that accompany this long and complex journey.

"People think that grief slowly gets smaller with time. In reality, grief stays the same size, but slowly life begins to grow bigger around it." Lois Tonkin

In Seven Choices—Finding Daylight After Loss that Shatters Your World, suicide loss survivor and author Elizabeth Harper Neeld identifies seven major points in the grief process: Impact, Second Crisis, Observation, The Turn, Reconstruction, Working Through, and Integration. These stages don't follow a strict order—they may overlap or repeat—but they describe how grief reshapes over time. The chart below summarizes the stages, what's "normal" to be expected, and what helps. (Neeld, 2025)

Stage What is Normal What Helps
Impact Experiencing the unthinkable loss; shock, disbelief, and numbness are common. Immediate support and focusing on basic needs or tasks.
Second Crisis A dark and confusing period marked by intense emotional pain, guilt, anger, or despair. Connection with peers, grief groups, and validation of feelings.
Observation Reflecting on emotions and noticing how life has changed since the loss. Fluctuating emotions are normal. Allowing all feelings and practicing gentle self-acceptance.
The Turn Beginning to see small moments of hope and considering how to move forward. Mindful awareness, noticing comfort, and accepting support.
Reconstruction Rebuilding life with new routines, roles, and meaning while continuing to honour the past. Practical help, healthy routines, and steady self-care.
Working Through Revisiting memories and pain, solving problems that arise from life changes. Therapy, creative expression, and ongoing support.
Integration Carrying the loss as part of one's life story and finding meaning for the future. Memorializing, connecting with community, and self-compassion.

Grief over time is not about "getting over" the loss, but about learning to live with it—finding ways to carry both the pain and love forward. Healing often happens in small and uneven steps, sustained by compassion, connection, and the courage to keep choosing life.

Those who wish to explore these stages further can read more through the Alliance of Hope's series of essays by Elizabeth Harper Neeld, which delve into each stage of the Grief Journey. https://allianceofhope.org/the-survivor-experience/the-grief-journey/