Toolkit
For Families and Loved Ones Navigating a Suicide Loss
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Grief Over Time
Coping Strategies and Self-Care Techniques
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Coping with suicide loss is an ongoing process that calls for gentleness, patience, and care. In the midst of intense emotions, daily responsibilities, and sudden moments of pain, it can be easy to overlook one's own needs. Self-care and coping strategies are not about "fixing" grief—they are ways of supporting yourself through it, helping you to find steadier ground, preserve energy, and reconnect with sources of comfort, hope, and meaning over time.
You can use the
My Safety Plan worksheet (see
Appendix A) to create a personalized plan for coping when feelings become intense or when you feel unsafe.
Attending to Basic Needs and Self-Care
Hydrate, eat well, and get gentle physical activity: Make sure you drink enough water, eat regular, nourishing meals, and move your body through gentle exercise to help maintain physical and emotional stability during grief.
Plan for and allow rest: Grief can create overwhelming fatigue, especially after difficult days or emotional conversations. Allowing yourself time to rest or nap is important for recovery.
Emotional Coping and Processing
Permit yourself to grieve in your own way and at your own pace: There is no schedule for grief. Each person's relationship with the lost loved one—and therefore their grief—will be unique.
Talk about your loved one and give voice to your feelings: Saying their name, sharing memories, and allowing space for conversation about the person who died by suicide can support healing. Talk to people you trust about how you feel.
Accept you don't need all the answers: You may never fully understand the "why" behind the loss or your path ahead, but you can move forward with care and curiosity.
Social Support and Connection
Seek connection with supportive communities: Support groups, "survivor" networks, and mental health professionals are valuable, as they are familiar with the challenges and complexities of suicide grief.
Don't be afraid to ask for or accept help from others: Friends and family may not always know what you need, so asking for concrete support with daily tasks or emotional needs is beneficial.
Access educational and professional resources: Utilize online resources or reach out to professionals for guidance on suicide loss.
Staying Present
Notice the present moment: Grief often pulls us into the past or future, replaying painful memories or imagining what could have been. Gently returning attention to what is happening right now—your breath, your surroundings, or simple daily activities—can create small moments of calm and steadiness.
Use mindful grounding techniques: When emotions feel overwhelming, pause to take a few deep breaths, feel your feet on the floor, or notice five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.
Allow thoughts and emotions to rise and fall: Mindfulness is not about avoiding feelings but about observing them without judgment and curiosity. Over time, this practice helps reduce anxiety and fosters self-compassion.
Create mindful rituals: Gentle routines—like lighting a candle, journaling, or walking in nature—can help you stay connected to the present while honouring your loved one and your own healing journey.
Additional Self-Compassion and Gentle Strategies
Practice self-compassion: Understand that grief is an expected, healthy reaction to your loss and not something to apologize for.
Allow yourself to have both joy and pain: Recognize that it's normal for grief to come in waves and for memories to elicit mixed emotions.
It's common to want to push away painful emotions or distract yourself after a loss. Coping this way—by avoiding feelings, denying the loss, or leaning on substances—may bring short-term relief but can make grief and depression harder to manage over time.
Keeping your loved one's memory alive
Keeping your loved one's memory alive can be a gentle, meaningful way to stay connected while you grieve. It is part of what grief specialists call "continuing bonds" – finding healthy ways for your relationship with the person to carry on, even though they have died. Many people bereaved by suicide describe this ongoing connection as something that brings comfort, strength, and a sense that their loved one still has a place in their daily life.
Continuing bonds
In the past, people were often encouraged to "let go" or "move on" after a death. Newer understandings of grief recognize that most of us never stop loving or remembering someone who has died. Instead of cutting ties, continuing bonds means allowing your relationship to evolve in new ways — through memories, rituals, values, and ongoing influence in your life.
(Bell, Bailey, & Kennedy, 2015)
For some who have experienced a suicide loss, this can include talking to the person in your thoughts, planting their favourite flowers, visiting places that were meaningful to them, or feeling guided by what they cared about and believed in. None of these things means you are "stuck" in the past; they are often part of healing and adapting to life after the loss.
At the same time, not everyone feels drawn to keep a close, ongoing connection with the person who died, and this is also okay. Relationships with the person who died — and grief responses — can look very different from one person to another. For some, healing may mean focusing more on the present or on other relationships instead of actively maintaining a bond. Your way of remembering, or not remembering, is valid; you are allowed to choose what feels safest and most supportive for you.
Online memorials and digital spaces
For some people, online spaces become a way to remember and stay connected. Research with people bereaved by suicide has found that online memorial pages (for example, on Facebook or memorial websites) can help loved ones feel that the person is still present in their lives. Survivors may write messages, share photos and memories, or mark anniversaries and birthdays there, often saying, "We do it to keep him alive."
These spaces can:
Offer a place to express feelings at any time of day or night.
Allow friends and family from different places to share memories and support one another.
Create a sense of ongoing relationship, especially in the early months and years after the death.
It is also important to know that online memorials can sometimes bring up difficult feelings, such as disagreements about what is posted or unexpected reminders. It is okay to adjust your involvement over time — visiting more when it feels comforting and stepping back when it feels overwhelming.
(Bell, Bailey, & Kennedy, 2015)
Everyday ways to honour their memory
Keeping your loved one's memory alive does not have to be big or formal. Small, everyday actions can be powerful. Ideas some families find helpful include:
Tell their stories. Share favourite memories, funny moments, and stories that show who they were, especially with children or people who did not know them well.
Keep or create meaningful traditions. Cook their favourite meal, listen to music they love, watch a show you enjoyed together, or keep a regular ritual like a walk in a special place.
Create something tangible. Make a memory box, photo book, scrapbook, quilt, or piece of art that incorporates photos, letters, or items that remind you of them.
Mark important days in your own way. On birthdays, anniversaries, or holidays, you might light a candle, write them a letter, visit a meaningful place, or spend time with people who also loved them.
These acts can provide structure for your grief, help you feel closer to your loved one, and make room for new experiences in your life.
Visit
64 Ways to Honour Deceased Loved Ones for more ideas to find comfort and connection through actions and rituals.
Living their values and legacy
Another way to keep someone's memory alive is to carry forward what mattered most to them. This can be especially meaningful after a suicide loss, when people sometimes want to focus on their loved one's life and values, not only on how they died.
You might:
Support a cause or community they cared about, through volunteering, advocacy, or donations in their name.
Practice qualities they were known for, such as kindness, humour, creativity, or generosity, and tell others you are doing it in their honour.
Create a scholarship, memorial fund, or annual event that reflects their interests, culture, or passions, if this feels possible for you and your family.
These choices can help transform some of the pain of loss into actions that feel purposeful and connected to who they were.
